My 2020: In Review
Highlights:
Values and Resolutions:
2020 was probably the strangest year to date for a lot of people. Many lost their jobs and their health, and most of us lost our sense of normalcy. The world shut down and we holed up in our homes for 10 months (and counting). It was a year that brought clarity to what really matters when the world is ending. For me, that was being closer to family and having some elbow room.
Seattle had been home to our little family for over 5 years. It gave us some of our greatest friends and fondest memories. With that said, you can only stay cooped in a one bedroom, 800 sqft apartment for so long before you start dreaming of wide open spaces *cue the dixie chicks*. So, we did what any sane couple would do. We put an offer on a house we’ve never seen in a neighborhood we’d never frequented and moved 2000 miles away from our perfectly happy, stable life. And honestly? It was the best decision ever. This house is the best, nesting with Tyler is the best, and being close to our parents is the best.
In true 2020 fashion I found myself with a lot of time alone with my thoughts. Did it make me really introspective? sure. Did it help me solve all my problems and figure out everything I want in life? absolutely not. If anything, I am more confused right now than ever before in my life, simply because I found myself with an insane amount of hours to ask questions. How do you know when you’re ready for kids? Do I even want kids? Who do I want to be in 5 years? Am I letting myself be complacent? Do I push myself too hard? Should I be more foward-looking? Am I living in the present enough? Why don’t I feel more fulfilled at work? How can I find true contentment? Why do I have so much when others have so little? How can I give more of myself? Have I become someone I’m proud of? Am I someone other people are proud of? Should I even care what other people think? I think you get it.
Growing up I felt extremely rooted in who I was and what I wanted: go to college, meet the guy, get married, get a job, get a dog, buy a house. And 5 years ago I would have told you that next is: have a baby- maybe 2, buy a bigger house, be a stay at home mom, buy a vacation house, live happily ever after. But here I am, at the cusp of those “should do’s” not wanting to step any further. So instead I’m learning to stand still. I’m not the person I was 5 years ago and I kinda like this woman I’ve become. I think I’ll just…wait here.
2019 Goal Check:
Please see my 2019 post for full breakdown into these goals.
✓ Do at least one thing that scares me. I’m not even sure how to mark this goal. 2020 was terrifying and I survived so…successful?
✓ Complete 15 barre classes a month, every month this year. I actually did end up completing 15 barre classes/month for the 8 months we lived in Seattle. Only the first 2 months were in studio due to Covid but I was really proud of myself for finding motivation (and space) to continue in my apartment. Go me.
✓ Help Koda get over his anxiety. Much improved doggo.
✗ Teach Eevee to stop jumping on people. Lol yeah freaking right. She’s a lost cause.
✗ Spend less money. Ok ok hear me out. WE BOUGHT A HOUSE. IT NEEDS DECOR. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.
✓ Stop getting upset about the socks on the floor. This one still gets me teary-eyed. This mindset has greatly improved how Tyler and I navigate each other’s mess.
Find more ways to show Tyler how much he means to me, both big and small. I don’t feel right giving this a check mark. I feel like I can always be doing more and improving on this. I never want to feel “finished” in this goal.
✓ Learn how to say no to things I don’t want to do. This one was solved for me since I was legally obligated to stop seeing people/doing things to save humanity.
✗ Film 10 weddings. welp, weddings were outlawed for most of 2020. I did actually end up filming 2 though so not a total loss.
✓ Call my Oma’s more. Probably my favorite goal I accomplished. When the world shut down I suggested we start playing Yahtzee on skype and we’ve been playing every week since :) My great aunt from Germany even joins us!
✓ Cook at home 5/7 nights of the week. This goal was forced upon us since restaurants closed.
✓ Be more intentional about time with friends. I’m realizing how much harder some of these goals would have been if the pandemic hadn’t happened. Because we wanted to keep a close circle (to stop the spread), we were very intentional about who we saw. I felt closer to my friends this last year than ever before. They were a light to me when all other lights went out *sick LoTR reference*
✗ Say the internal compliments in my head out loud. Maybe my GA roots will come back and make me less socially awkward, only time will tell.
2020 Goals:
- Stop buying so much Starbucks. I’m embarrassed by the amount of Starbies I consume. My dentist and my bank account will thank me for this one.
- Only one online splurge per month. I’m sure my ladies feel me when I say pandemic-depression-purchases amiright? Not so shockingly that new outfit high didn’t last considering I had no where to go and now my closet is cluttered. (Also, can someone please throw a gala? I did in fact buy a FLOOR LENGTH GOWN because I have no self control and read too many fantasy novels.)
- Learn how to DIY. So far I’ve painted an ombre wall, wall-papered my office, and rewired our doorbell. Next up is building an 8ft library wall with a sliding ladder. hahahelpme.
- Take an online course on [insert topic here]. Korean? Policy? Coding? Wood working? Cocktails?
- Teach Eevee to stop jumping 2.0. This time for sure. Should I try ankle weights?
- Read 75 books. I read 64 books this year so this feels totally achievable. George R.R. Martin said, “a reader lives a thousand lives before [s]he dies, The [wo]man who never reads lives only one.” and wow what a beautiful sentiment.
- Stop feeling stressed about what I should be accomplishing “at this stage in life”. Have a baby. Get promoted. Change the world. Blah blah blah. I’m so freaking over this. I’m pretty sure I developed anxiety this year watching everyone else have babies or get their dream job and wondering “should I be doing that too??”. No, no I should not. I don’t know what I want and that’s okay. I’m allowed to be unsure. I’m allowed to reflect and pause and figure it out slowly.
- Find more ways to show Tyler how much he means to me, both big and small. Eternally on my to-do list :)
These goals feel way less flashy than last year but 2020 was hard and I’m doing the best I can. Here’s to 2021 and a world where I can hug all you beautiful people again.
Jen
